Moving away from unhelpful thinking

Situation

Recall a recent situation that you found upsetting or difficult.

E.g. My colleague was abrupt and dismissive with me after I asked him to change something in a project.

Mood

What were you feeling? How strong was this mood? (0-100%).

E.g. Hurt 80%, Angry 90%, Frustrated 80%.

Unhelpful thinking

What was going through your mind?

Sometimes the way we talk to ourselves can be unhelpful and make us feel like we’re not coping.

• Black and white thinking: “I must get everything done before I go home, otherwise everything will be a disaster.”
• What-ifs?: “What if I put all this effort in and fail? I’ll never be able to look anyone in the eye.”
• Spiral of negatives: “I’m not going to get the project finished on schedule, which means I’m useless. I’ll end up losing my client.”
• Leaping to conclusions: “My colleague was abrupt with me. He must be angry about what I said at the meeting.”
• Over-generalising: “That client has threatened to take his business elsewhere. All my clients must be unhappy.”
• Looking too far ahead: “If this doesn’t go well there are all sorts of negative consequences.”
• Strong, uncompromising words: “I always …, I never ….”
• Unkind or mean to oneself: “I’m a failure, I’m stupid, I’m a fraud … someone will see through me one day, and see I’m not all that great after all.”

Challenging unhelpful thoughts

Ask yourself these questions:

• If a close friend or someone I loved was thinking this way, what would I tell them?
• Five years from now when I look back, will I see things differently?
• Are the things I’m jumping to conclusions about justified by evidence?
• What am I ignoring about my strengths, and how am I coping?

Helpful thinking

Write alternative balanced thoughts that could have been more helpful.

E.g. He’s not always like that. Maybe he’s stressed about his divorce and it’s got nothing to do with me. Maybe I should just ask how he’s going.

New mood

Rate your moods again after practicing helpful thoughts. List any new moods (0-100%).

E.g. Hurt 10%, Angry 10%, Frustrated 20%.